match at sas was undesirable . 33 to 17 . as per usual i just play a tiny winy bits . i rather i did not play . luckily micheal did not vomit blood . lols . after i was sub out , i cried . think micheal saw it . FUCK ! worried that he will think that i abit of things also wanna cry . CHILDISH ! pray hard not ! kanna push here and there on court lars . they so DUA JIAT . i realised that ever since i started training at hu , whenever i fare badly during a match or training , i will break into tears . maybe what jieying say is true , i force mineself too much . i keep pressurising mineself . what should i do ? im confused , im lost . after match went lot 1 to packet dinner home . yuups . thats all !

* deep black thoughts
aroused in horrid moments.
dark painful moments
enveloped in beautiful pain.
the light faded
such a long time before
when there had still been
remnants of hope.
hope has receded
despair is long gone
all that is left
is dark nothingness

9:13 PM